Once a Mama…

A couple of years ago I actually thought about starting a blog with this title and focus. It seems there are 21 zillion “Mommy Blogs” out there that are geared toward the young mom in the trenches, but there’s not much out there for the rest of us. We may not be changing diapers or dealing with the terrible twos; we’re not fighting homework battles or adolescent attitudes. We’re not anxiously watching them go out the door to kindergarten or high school or their first date or college and wondering if we’ve taught them enough, given them enough, loved them enough.

Scratch that last part. We still wonder that. We are still the Mamas, and you know what they say, “Once a Mama – always a Mama.”

It’s Mother’s Day weekend. I’m thinking about my own dear Mama who has been gone since 2004 and how she “mothered” us till the day she died.  She didn’t know any other way to be. I’ll confess, as an adult, I sometimes rolled my eyes or even resented her mothering. Though her mothering felt a little embarrassing at times, there were many more times that it was invaluable. I sought her advice on how to cook a turkey, and how to get a stain out of a white shirt. She taught me how to make the flakiest pie crust and the most delicious buttermilk pancakes. I asked her how she “knew” everything we were doing when we were teenagers, but only spoke up when she felt it absolutely necessary. I took mental notes on how she loved our Dad and how to be an excellent Grandmother. Some things I needed to know right away and some things I tucked away for future reference. For sure I wish now I’d asked more questions and watched more carefully. I think I miss her more with every passing year. I wish I’d asked her how to be a better Mama at this stage of the game.

You’ve probably read the children’s book, “I’ll Love You Forever.” (If you haven’t, you should!) Even though it’s unrealistic, (and a little creepy) with Mom driving across town with a ladder strapped to the top of her car to climb in her grown son’s window to rock him and sing to him, the sentiment is real. “As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be…”

My own four babies have grown and flown and have babies of their own, and though I don’t have the hands-on privilege of mothering now, I’m still their Mama – and it will always be so. As much as I know that being a young mom is a difficult job, there are things about mothering at my stage of life that are harder. When your kids are young, you have a modicum of control over their choices and behaviors.  When they are adults you have none. Not one tiny bit. You have no control, but you still feel responsible. You want to pat yourself on the back for the great job you did as a mom when they make wise choices and “succeed,”  and and you want to blame yourself when they don’t. You feel when they are doing well and you feel every heartbreak, slight and disappointment. No matter how old your kids are, you still feel like a mother. Like it or not, your job as Mama changes. You get to advise and warn, but they don’t have to take your advice or warning. You get to encourage and support, and you get to – in fact you’d better – pray. Always. It’s not just the only thing you can do at this stage, it’s the best thing you can do.

I’ve never liked the analogy of “cutting the apron strings.” A wise friend once said, “Never cut what you can untie.” I think that’s a much better way of looking at it. And don’t put away the apron, Mama – leave it on with that tie hanging within reach, just in case those grown up babies lose their way – or their minds – for a time and need something sure to hang on to. Because, once a Mama, always a Mama.

 

Listen to your father, who gave you life,
    and don’t despise your mother when she is old.

So give your father and mother joy!
    May she who gave you birth be happy.

Proverbs 23:23 & 25